Lingua tonsoria

I like to think I'm a good communicator. After all, for years I have made a living off my ability to use words to persuade people. I understand people, and I find it easy to get them to understand and listen to me.

Except hair stylists.

Do you remember the Cone Of Silence from the TV show Get Smart? I'm convinced there's a reason it looked like a giant clear salon hairdryer. It's as if common English words have completely different meanings when speaking to your stylist. Consider this handy chart:

What I say	What they hear	What I mean
I want a change	Just a trim, please	I'm bored, surprise me
Something really different	I fear change	Nothing is too radical
I like to experiment with it	I wear a ponytail sometimes	Weird is good
I want longer layers all over	No layers	Not a short crop
I was growing it out	I'm wishy-washy	No helmet hair
I like the wispy bits	Ignore me, I'm babbling	Longer near the ears
I like her hair	I wish I were her age	Look! Like THAT!
See, what I'm trying to do...	Wah wah, wah wah wah waaah	You are an idiot

Meet the new 'do, same as the old 'do.